Runaway Maid Of Honour
by pam halliwell
Summary: Rufus and Lily are getting married but the second most important woman in a wedding is missing. This is just a crazy idea I have for an opening segment of Season 3. One-shot. Lots of C/B references


**Runaway Maid-Of-Honour**

To Héla who I also miss so much I don't know what to do with all the energy :P

Also to neverevered just because she's awesome.

I am currently eating Turkish while I write this because God and the Rob Pattinson-lookalike at my Turkish place do not want a perfectly good Sunday evening spent studying :P

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Gossip Girl, the CW, Josh Schwartz, actors or characters. I own nothing.

GGGG

It was a bright August day when Lily van der Woodsen/ Bass (who could keep up?) was finally going to marry Rufus Humphrey. Wedding arrangements had been obsessed over, fit for the most perfect Upper East Side wedding. Gossip had run rampant throughout the summer about the groom's less than glamorous upbringing. Discussions had been made about familial associations especially regarding the children involved but after many outbursts and last-minute panic attacks everything had come together very nicely... well except one thing.

Chuck Bass was standing at the entrance to the beautiful garden where the wedding was to take place. Next to him stood Eric van der Woodsen and Chuck's best friend Nate Archibald. They were greeting the guests, thanking them for making it and subsequently trying to manoeuvre the attention away from the potential crisis at hand. Out of his peripheral vision, Chuck noticed his girlfriend, Blair Waldorf, rapidly making her way towards the main building where the bride was getting ready. Chuck excused himself and quickly followed her.

Three months of dating and he still couldn't believe it. Why he had prolonged the happiness he felt whenever he was with his feisty yet determined beauty was beyond him. She was wearing a beautiful silver number that screamed 'Blair'. It had an elegant halter cut with a tulip skirt that had a large bow in the middle. Anyone else would have looked pale and bland in the dress but as it turns out the dress wore Blair Waldorf.

Chuck quickly approached her and reached out to touch her hips, kissing her exposed neck. "Waldorf, you look ravishing. If my darling sister hadn't decided to go MIA at her own mother's wedding, I'd already have whisked you away."

Blair couldn't help but mirror the devilish smirk on his face, the same way his bowtie matched her dress. But she quickly decided to wrench his hands away or else they would get completely side-tracked. "Be that as it may Chuck, it seems I've been elected reserve maid-of-honour. And if we don't get Serena to the church on time, we're going to be dealing with an even bigger mess."

"We?" Chuck whispered as he started kissing up her jaw line.

Blair moved her face away from his lips. Chuck smirked as he noticed she closed her eyes in pleasure before doing this. "Yes we! Somehow in the space of one summer you and I have turned into the most functional pair in your family." She poked his chest on 'your' trying to create some distance between them.

Chuck grabbed her hands pushing her towards him as his voice lowered once again. "The mind boggles as to how that came to be."

He smirked down at her and she looked up at him with her doe-like eyes before giving in and leaning in towards his mouth.

"Blair."

The voice of Lily could be heard from the dressing rooms and Blair quickly backed out of the embrace making her way towards the bride.

"Coming Lily."

Chuck was left looking visibly displeased and brooded his way back to the entrance.

"Any luck?" Eric asked him as soon as he arrived.

"With what?" Chuck replied in his usual drole as he cordially smiled at one of the guests entering.

"Serena. Why? Has something else gone wrong?"

"With the van der Woodsen women Eric," Chuck said as he nodded at another oncoming guest, "you never know."

After a moment of silence, Chuck took out his cell phone and began earnestly typing in something. Eric rocked back and forth on his heels.

"So?" The blonde boy began.

"Hmm?" Chuck replied. To anyone else Chuck would have seemed as if he was too engrossed in his cell phone but Eric knew he still had Chuck's full attention.

"Let's say Serena does show up."

"Unlikely."

"And Mom and Rufus do get married."

"Regrettably."

"And you..."

Chuck stopped typing and slipped his phone in his pocket, looking up at Eric with the hint of a smirk, "And I?"

Eric visibly huffed. "That's it. What happens with you?"

Chuck's smirk grew into what one would call a fond one, "Eric didn't we already have this discussion?"

Eric averted his eyes in seeming embarrassment, "I know. It's just... you're moving out."

Chuck nodded solemnly. "I promised Jenny."

Eric looked directly at Chuck, "I know. That was actually very honourable of you."

Chuck merely focused his gaze on Eric, silently willing him to get to the point.

Eric shook his head continuing, "Just because my mother has decided to get married again, doesn't mean I have to lose my brother."

Chuck smiled, the kind of smile he only ever really bestowed on the van der Woodsens and Blair, "Technically you're gaining one."

"You know what I mean."

"I'll be around E. Lily already has me signed up for Sunday brunch. Well that's not entirely true. Blair and Lily have me signed up for Sunday brunch."

A small smile graced Eric's face as he understood the hidden meaning.

"Besides," Chuck continued a he slapped Nate's shoulder in a friendly gesture, "Nathaniel and I are committed men now."

"Huh?" Eric asked confused.

"What Chuck is trying to say," Nate piped up, "in his own evasive way, is that we need all the help we can get. God knows I can't help him when it comes to Blair."

Chuck tried to hide a small grimace but managed to nod at the same time.

"Erm guys you do remember that I'm gay right?"

"Exactly. You're perfect for the job." Chuck stated as he clapped Eric on the back.

GGGG

"Any luck?" Lily asked the second Blair entered. Lily was a vision in her custom made wedding dress but her nervous demeanour shone through as she wrung her hands.

"No Lily. I've tried her cell a hundred times," Blair replied, "I've called the house. The housekeeper hasn't seen her."

"I don't understand why she's doing this," Lily turned around and sat on one of the sofas. "She promised me she would be here. She told me to prepare a dress for her without even having one fitting all summer, all because she insisted she would be here on time. Honestly I don't know where she gets this kind of behaviour from sometimes."

At that moment a knock was heard on the door and in walked the mother of the bride herself Cece Rhodes.

"Lily?"

"Mother?" Lily asked as she craned her neck to see. She grabbed the flute of champagne nearby, "Fantastic," and took a gulp from it.

"Mrs. Rhodes," Blair addressed Cece, "What a pleasure. I was wondering if you could maybe stay with Lily while I go try to find Serena."

"You mean she's not even on her way?" The elder woman nearly screamed.

Lily rubbed her temples behind them.

Blair plastered on a fake smile, "Of course she is. She's just caught in traffic," she continued as she tried to make her way to the exit as quickly as possible, "Insisted on getting a Starbucks. I told her there would be coffee at the reception but she just wouldn't listen. If you'll excuse me," and with that she bolted out the door.

Cece looked at her daughter incredulously.

Lily simply shrugged, "You heard Blair Mother. Serena's on her way," and she took another sip from her champagne.

Cece just gave her a look that clearly showed she didn't believe her.

GGGG

Blair was holding her cell phone in her hand, flailing it about as she barked orders at the wedding planner. The poor woman looked about to have a nervous breakdown when dealing with the Waldorf.

"What do you mean this has never happened to you before? You can't be serious. What kind of wedding planner are you? Hasn't the maid of honour ever run away with the groom at one of your weddings? This is New York we're talking about, not the Vatican."

"But the groom's right there," the wedding planner stuttered out.

"Of course the groom's right there! I'll have him exiled from his precious Brooklyn if he so much as dreams of moving from that spot right now. I'm asking you what your little 'guide to wedding planning' says in the likelihood of the maid of honour going missing."

The wedding planner just stood there looking more nervous with every passing second.

Blair just flailed her hands in frustration, "Gah! Go check on the musicians or something." The planner quickly ran off, eager to get away from the crazy woman.

"Where's Dorota when I need her?" Blair mumbled as she checked her cell phone for any messages from Serena.

"Blair?"

Blair quickly turned around at the voice of Dan Humphrey, the scowl on her face doing nothing to hide her displeasure at his presence.

"Oh fantastic. The son of the groom whose wedding is going up in flames. Yes Cabbage Patch, please allow me to pause from my damage control to help YOU." She plastered on the fakest smile she could to emphasise her sarcasm.

Dan just scratched the back of his head, in no way eager to be conversing with the girl, "I was... erm... just going to ask how the search for Serena was going."

Blair's eyes lit up comically as she turned around in an exaggerated manner, "Hmm, well she's not near her mother. She's not walking down the aisle. Ooo maybe she's under that flower pot over there? Be a dear and go look for me Humphrey. And while you're at it shove yourself in the pot too." Blair's voice rose a notch as she said the last part.

"Blair, what did we say about terrorising the wedding party?" Chuck came up from behind her, his hand immediately finding her waist to calm her down.

"But he's a Humphrey," Blair whined in protest.

"How about you go try Serena again?" Chuck whispered to her soothingly.

Blair nodded and huffed away, not before directing one more glare at Dan.

"Erm thanks," Dan attempted, directing his words at Chuck.

Chuck had already directed his attention elsewhere. "Consider it my wedding gift," he replied dismissively.

"I'm not the one getting married."

Chuck turned his gaze back on Dan and simply glared at him.

Dan shuffled his feet awkwardly, "Right. You don't care."

Chuck gave him a small menacing smile, "You're learning Humphrey."

GGGG

Rufus Humphrey stood nervously under the arch that had been created purposely for the event. "Psst hey Jenny."

His daughter who had been standing a little way away came rushing up to him.

"Yeah Dad?"

"Help me out here kid I'm a barrel of nerves. Your soon to be step-sister isn't exactly helping matters."

"Ok just calm down," Jenny began, "Don't worry. Any minute Serena will show up and Lily will come walking down the aisle wearing my perfect creation and you two will be joined in holy matrimony. How's that?"

"Not the least bit helpful," Rufus answered incredulously.

Jenny looked stumped but then quickly called over Eric who had been rushing by.

"Yeah what is it guys?" Eric babbled out looking every which way, "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"My wedding is at a standstill. What could you possibly be in the middle of?" Rufus asked him.

Eric gave one more conspirational look and lowered his voice, "Cece found out."

Rufus rolled his eyes. "Oh for the love of God Eric. I'm asking you guys to calm me down. Mentioning my tyrannical mother-in-law is not calming me down."

"Soon-to-be," Eric interjected.

"What?"

"Soon-to-be tyrannical mother-in-law."

"Eric?" Rufus deadpanned.

"Yeah?"

"Find Serena ...now."

Eric straightened up and gave a curt nod, "Right. I'm on it. Chuck!" He called out and scuttled away.

Rufus merely shook his head and turned to Jenny as they both looked at Eric explaining things rapidly to Chuck while the older boy merely nodded.

"How wrong is it that Chuck Bass is keeping my wedding afloat right now?"

A beat of silence passed between father and daughter. Jenny, who had been eyeing the other boys, looked up to her father.

"Oh you actually want an answer to that?"

Rufus just groaned.

GGGG

Eric was talking rapidly to his brother, "Chuck the BG is worried about our lack of MOH," he paused, "Wow I love this wedding talk."

Chuck chanced a glance at Rufus standing with Jenny, seeing him quite obviously nervous. He turned his gaze to Vanessa who was standing nearby. "Vanessa?" he droled out.

"Chuck," she deadpanned obviously displeased.

"Do me a favour. Go talk to Rufus. He's nervous. Remind him that this is in fact a good idea and that he is indeed in love with Lily."

Vanessa glanced at Rufus and nodded at Chuck, making her way quickly over to the groom.

Chuck and Eric were left standing, looking on.

Eric smirked up at Chuck, "You know this is awfully nice of you."

"I don't really have a choice," Chuck responded as he kept checking things.

"Of course you do," Eric stated.

"Not really," Chuck turned to him, "Your sister, the second most important woman at a wedding, is pulling a Serena c. 2006. Your mother has many talents. Damage control is not one of them. Unless you count sending said sister to jail. The best man is incompetent. The wedding planners, if possible, even more so. That leaves me and Blair."

"I think you secretly like this," Eric countered, "I mean isn't this what you and Blair do best," he gestured with his hands, "Handle situations with your Blackberry and headband of power. Besides, I think you two have luck with weddings," Eric smiled knowingly up at him.

Chuck turned and emphatically glared at his little brother.

Eric tremoured under his gaze, "Right. This conversation... never happened." And once again he quickly made his way away from the person he had offended.

GGGG

Blair was visibly getting irritated at the little boy who was going to be the ring-bearer as he clutched the little pillow, "No no, like a platter not like a pizza box. Sheesh. Where did they find these kids?"

"Blair," Chuck sidled up next to her smiling minimally at yet another guest, "We're running out of time."

Blair glared at him enraged, "I'm sorry if YOUR step-sister has lost all 21st century capabilities. When I spoke to her yesterday she said she was in New York. I specifically asked 'Are you in the country?' I don't know where she could have possibly gotten to," Blair was visibly panicking as she flailed her arms.

Chuck deftly avoided one of them as he spoke to her calmly, "Maybe we should have had her followed like I suggested."

Blair gave him a menacing glare and stomped on his foot viciously, "Bass I am in no mood for you telling me 'I told you so'."

Chuck clutched his foot, "Ow woman. If you paralysing my foot is going to become a wedding tradition..."

"Hey guys. Any word from her?" Nate butted in.

"No! No! For the love of God! No!" Blair answered almost shouting. "Would everyone please stop asking me where Serena is."

"Hey ok sorry," Nate looked alarmed trying to diffuse Blair's temper. "You know maybe she just got stuck getting ready. Problems with a zipper or something."

"Excuse me?" Blair turned to him. "This is a respectable member of the Upper East Side we are talking about. We learn how to zip up our own dresses before we're potty trained." And with that she quickly stormed off punching in Serena's number once again.

"Thank you Nathaniel. Most helpful indeed," Chuck offered while still rubbing his foot.

GGGG

Blair paced frantically as she heard the repeatedly annoying sound of the dial tone, "Come on Serena. Pick up the phone. Pick up."

Suddenly, Serena's voice could be heard on the other end, "Blair?"

Blair straightened, surprised to have finally managed to get a hold of her best friend.

"Serena? Where the hell are you? Your MOTHER is getting married."

"B calm down," Serena sounded anxious, "I can't explain. Just postpone the wedding ok."

"What?" Blair all but screeched. "Serena I don't think you understand what's going on here. People, Brooklyn people," and with this she noticeably cringed, "are sitting alongside Upper East Siders to watch your mother marry that Humphrey man. The smell of polyester alone is stifling. And it's open air!"

"B, I really can't explain. Just please please please have Chuck and Eric help you and postpone the wedding for as long as possible. I'll be there soon." And with that she promptly hung up.

Blair just stared at her phone shocked. She turned around and spotted Chuck making a bee-line towards him.

"Your step-sister is a lunatic," she hissed out as she grabbed him and pushed him to the side for more privacy.

"Funny how you keep forgetting she's your best friend," Chuck replied as he straightened his jacket.

"Oh not after this. She wants us to postpone the wedding."

Chuck, who had been eyeing the guests, did a double-take, "I'm sorry? Has my dear sister been drinking the peroxide instead of putting it on her head? We're already behind schedule as it is."

"She kept saying she didn't have time to explain," Blair huffed.

"Call her back. Tell her I understand her horror at legally being related to the Humphreys but if I've dealt with it then she should be fine."

"Blair? Charles? Could you come in here?" Lily's voice could be heard a little way away.

"Yes Lily," Blair calmly responded while eyeing Chuck with panicked eyes.

When they made their way to Lily's room, she was standing up, getting ready to put on her tiara.

"I can't wait any longer," Lily began. "This is unfair to Rufus, and to all of you. We said there was going to be a wedding. The two most important people are here and willing. As much as I would love Serena to be here we can't keep waiting. I'll deal with her later. Tell the minister we're going to start."

Chuck and Blair shared a look.

"Stall the minister. Go," Blair whispered to Chuck as she shoved him out the room. She then turned back to Lily, a winning smile on her face.

"Lily are you sure? I mean your only daughter. Is this really how you want to marry the love of your life?"

Lily manoeuvred the tiara onto her head and frowned, "Serena is going to have to take responsibility for her actions but this isn't fair to Rufus."

Blair eyed a glass of champagne that was placed on a table nearby. She gave one quick glance at Lily and 'accidentally' knocked it over. "Oh Lily I'm so sorry. Good thing the dress is champagne-coloured huh?"

GGGG

Chuck approached the minister, who was sitting in one of the guest chairs seemingly bored, "Minister if I may have a word."

"Are we ready to begin?" The Minister enquired anxiously.

"Not exactly. Minister," Chuck began uncertainly, "I feel the need to... confess."

"Oh well that's very commendable my son. And I will be more than happy to do it after the wedding." He made a move to sit back down but Chuck, who had a hold on his arm, held on tight.

"No no, I'd like to witness this wedding with a sound conscience."

The Minister looked at him doubtfully, "Oh very well. Doesn't seem we'll be starting anytime soon. Let's find a secluded spot."

"Do I have to confess ALL my sins?" Chuck asked.

"Yes that is the general gist," the minister looked back giving him a worried look.

"Could have handled this all on my own hours ago," Chuck mumbled before he followed the minister.

GGGG

Eric and Jenny stood near Rufus awaiting their cue.

"Twenty dollars says Serena shows up with blue hair and a tattoo of a guy's name on her butt," Eric whispered to Jenny.

"You're on," she whispered back.

Dan appeared next to them, visibly flustered, "I've tried her too. She's not answering my calls. Just keeps ringing. You don't think she's in trouble do you?"

"Trouble? Definitely." Eric replied calmly. "Hurt? Probably not. Then she would have definitely called."

"Dan?" Rufus called.

"Yeah Dad?"

"Do me a favour son. Go to Lily. Tell her I understand and that it'll be ok. She's probably a mess right now. Me not being able to see her isn't exactly helping," Rufus instructed.

"Gotcha," Dan replied with a nod before making his way.

GGGG

"But the photographers are arranging the flowers," Blair was arguing with Lily.

"What do you mean arranging the flowers?" The blonde woman asked confused.

"Well they think it'll be a much more beautiful shot if the flowers are all facing you when you walk down the aisle," Blair smiled at her encouragingly.

"But that's ridiculous as soon as I pass them they'll all be facing away."

"You're right," Blair agreed, the thought seemingly never have occurred to her, "Walking down the aisle alone is going to take ages. You're going to have to stop, they turn the flowers, take a photo, you move..."

At that moment, a knock was heard on the door and Dan poked his dead in.

"Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Lily, can I have a minute?"

Lily eyed Blair as if she was a lunatic while the younger girl simply smiled manically.

"Yes Dan, what is it?"

Dan entered the room cautiously, not yet forgetting his last encounter with the brunette, "Dad sent me to tell you that he understands. And that you can take as long as you want, he'll wait."

Lily smiled fondly, "Oh that's very sweet of him."

Blair breathed a sigh of relief.

Lily looked around for the tiara she had discarded, "Well then, that settles it. Call the minister and the musicians. Let's get this wedding started."

Blair looked alarmed, "What? But Rufus just said you can wait all you want."

"I am not going to abuse Rufus' sweet gesture. He has waited long enough," Lily reasoned, "This isn't exactly how I wanted things to pan out but we'll have to settle. Now come on." And with that she made her way out.

Blair quickly followed, glaring at Dan. She was a few inches shorter than him even in her heels but he still withered under her gaze.

"Remind me to kill you later."

Dan visibly gulped.

GGGG

Chuck and the Minister could be found a few feet away from the guests sitting on two chairs seemingly deep in conversation.

"And this was when you were how old?" The Minister asked agape.

Chuck stopped to think about his answer, "Oh let's see. 13."

The Minister's eyes widened and he leaned back, "I didn't even think a pubescent boy would know how to do that."

Chuck smirked proudly.

Eric approached bewildered at the sight in front of him, "Erm sorry to interrupt but we're starting."

The Minister looked up startled, "Right, we'll continue this later Chuck. It seems you have many transgressions to atone for." He shook his head one last time and quickly made his way to his spot.

Chuck straightened his jacket, his stoic look re-appearing.

"Serena's here?" He asked Eric.

"Not exactly," the younger boy replied before he ran over next to Rufus.

Blair approached Chuck so they could take their seats in the front together. He laid a hand gently on her waist as they started moving.

"What's going on?" He asked her.

"That half-wit best man ruined a perfectly good plan that's what," she muttered, "Wait were you confessing?" she asked, disbelief evident in her tone.

"You told me to keep the Minister occupied," he replied nonchalantly as they sat down.

"You didn't mention me did you?" She hissed.

"Don't be ridiculous. We'd only been talking for 30 minutes. We hadn't even gotten through freshman year yet."

Blair just looked at him disbelieving while he simply smirked at her as they sat down.

The moment, however, was broken by the musicians starting to play and the guests standing up while Lily appeared at the end of the aisle.

Rufus looked on in awe as it sunk in that this day was finally happening.

Lily gracefully made her way down the aisle, beaming with happiness. After what seemed like an eternity to her, she reached the end of the aisle and turned to face Rufus. Both had equally large grins on their face.

"Dearly beloved," the Minister began, "we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If anyone should object to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

"Stop the wedding."

Chuck didn't need to turn around to know who it was. He simply looked at his watch and said, "Punctual wedding-crasher isn't she?"

Blair turned around quickly to confirm her suspicions and then faced the front again. She couldn't help the urge she had to slap her forehead.

Serena van der Woodsen came running down the aisle, noticeably flustered and out of breath and yet still a vision of beauty.

"Mom, Rufus, I'm so sorry."

Lily looked her daughter up and down, checking to see her daughter was ok. "It's alright Serena. We'll talk about this later. I'm just glad you made it ....and I see you fit into your dress." She smiled at her daughter, pleased that nevertheless she did make it in one piece. She turned back to the minister, willing him to carry on.

"No Mom, you don't understand," Serena continued nervously.

Suddenly a voice from the back could be heard.

"Lily?"

Lily's head snapped round to where the voice had come from and she looked on shocked.

"Keith?"

Rufus' eyes widened as he looked at the man, "Keith? As in?"

But it was Eric that dropped the bomb, "Dad?"

A moment of silence passed between the whole congregation as everyone tried to wrap their head around what was going on.

Finally, Chuck waved over one of the ushers and whispered, "Scotch all around my good man. Champagne's going to have to wait."

Blair whose head had fallen in her hands the minute she realised who had decided to show up, looked at him incredulously.

Chuck gave her a questioning look before she quickly made a conceding gesture with her hand.

The usher was just about to go tell the caterers when a hand reached out to stop him from behind Chuck and Blair.

"Make mine a double please," Cece Rhodes added with a grimace.

Blair merely stared in shock at the older woman. Chuck smirked and turned back to face the show.

GGGG

Ta-da :D

Hope you like it :)

For those of you that are interested, the link to the dress I envision Blair can be found in my profile

Took me ages to find the right dress. But I think it's very Blair-like.

Please leave a note :)


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